The 7 Steps of Storytelling for Leaders

Dear Springboard:

Now that I’m in this bigger job, my boss is telling me to start talking up my team and shine the light on them and not on me.

It doesn’t feel right. I’m a hard driver and I’ve earned what I have every step of the way.  I’ve always made sure people know about my accomplishments. It’s gotten me noticed and visibility matters.  It’s what’s worked and gotten me this far.

Sure, I’m a little bit of a self-promoter. But, if I don’t do it for myself, who will?

Sign me,

Dubious

 

Dear Dubious:

Everyone is the hero in their own story.

The challenge for you is to shift your attention to your staff – the people who are critical to your success.

Your situation brings to mind the hero’s journey and the key role of the guide.  In his classic book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell lays out the story structure of the hero’s journey, the outline that nearly all our books and movies follow.  Campbell studied cultures around the world and found a commonality to the local lore.

Oversimplifying, there is a principal character, our hero, whose life is disrupted in such a way as to call the hero forth to conquer a new challenge beyond their current capability.

As our hero ventures forth, uncertain of his abilities and with shaky confidence, he encounters a guide who offers particularly effective advice.  Think Merlin to King Arthur and Yoda to Luke Skywalker.

The guide is an essential character because our hero would not succeed without the guide’s support.

As the story develops, our hero confronts the challenges that must be overcome to triumph.

There is a climactic scene and the hero succeeds (escaping dire consequences of failure), and then our hero returns where he began, transformed by the journey and his success.

Now, if you look for it, you will see this in the movies you watch and books you read.

What does this have to do with your situation?

At a conference last week, I heard Don Miller (author of Building a StoryBrand) give an inspiring talk about how to apply the elements of the hero’s journey story structure for more effective marketing.

Basically, his pitch is that we find a market/prospect (hero); identify a key problem that needs to be solved; be an empathetic and authoritative guide to help; offer a way for the prospect to engage and solve their problem; call the prospect forth to take action; gingerly mention the perils of not doing so; and, end with their problem solved and the hero enhanced as a result of the process.

Miller is quick to point out that for the guide to be successful, the focus stays on the hero. That means the guide should not be singing their own praises.  If that happens, the guide becomes a second hero in the story and is competing with our protagonist.

Miller focused on using the story structure for more effective sales and marketing for a business.

I am proposing that with a slight shift of this mindset, the use of story structure can be effective with employees at work, and people in their personal relationships.

So, here’s a way of looking at the process from a manager’s point of view with their staff in mind:

Locate your character

With what I’m calling the StoryBrand mindset, imagine each direct report as a hero in their own personal story.  

Identify their problem

Think of what they are facing on three levels. What business problem(s) do they need to solve, what emotional issue resolved (increased confidence, sense of accomplishment, honoring specific values) and why does it matter to them enough to persevere? They should know how their efforts fit in the big picture.

Meet them as their guide

Present yourself as a resource to help in whatever way it is needed.  While the focus is not to be on you and your ego, it is necessary to demonstrate empathy and authority for the sake of establishing emotional connection and competence.

Give them a plan

Make sure there is clarity and agreement on goals, roles and expectations.

Call them to action

Challenge them: to reach stretch goals, develop new skills, innovate, to bring out their best selves.

Help them avoid failure

Success matters for its own sake and also because it means your direct reports won’t face the consequences of falling short.

Support them to end in success

Success can take many shapes; whatever it looks like, it should be clear and celebrated when reached.

Dubious, your job description has changed since you were climbing the ladder at lower rungs.

Your job now is to champion your people.

As a leader, get buy in for a vision, point the way, offer guidance, and cheer them on.

Take that spotlight off of you. Ultimately, the light you shine on them will reflect on you.

 

From the Watercooler

The secret to a happy marriage is to wake up every day and think: ‘How can I make my spouse happy.’ ~ Wedding toast by the father of the bride

Your success now

Let Go to Gain Control

Dear Springboard:

I recently got a promotion. I was really excited at first – more money and a better title. It was great. In my old job, I had people reporting to me and now there are people reporting to them. 

It sounds goods but the problem is my workload has exploded. I’m working really late, plus weekends and still missing deadlines. AND, I’m more than a little peeved that when I’m burning the midnight oil, I’m the only one here. The rest of my “team” is long gone.

Sign me,

Overwhelmed

 

Dear Overwhelmed:

First, congratulations on the new job! I’m sure it’s well deserved.

It sounds like a familiar scenario. You’ve taken on more responsibility on top of what you were already handling.

One of the toughest challenges of taking on a bigger role and thriving is the importance of shifting gears.

There are a few dynamics here. First, to keep all your current duties and add new ones is not sustainable.  There is only so much time (and energy) available. Keep in mind that every time we add something new to our plate, we must let go of something else.

Second, what made you successful in your previous job will not work in your new job in the same way. If you stay involved in the day to day operations of your direct reports or their staff, you can’t be available to do what is expected of you in your new role.

Let’s say in your old job you were very hands on; you worked alongside your staff, you checked details and ensured that deadlines were met. Now that you have broader responsibility, you cannot be in the weeds like you were before and still be available for your new duties.

What this comes down to is that you need to let go of your old role. Many people find that challenging.

One issue is that some of their identity is enmeshed in the old role.

Another issue is the skills they developed and came to rely on. They say, “You’re telling me to stop doing the things that worked so well and got me this far and start operating in a way that is new and, to me, untested? Do I have that right?” Well, yes.

As an example, now that you have both direct and indirect reports, you need to get out of the weeds (read: out of the way) and let your direct reports manage their staff.

First, by doing this, you will have the bandwidth to start leading: see the bigger picture, communicate a vision and set goals, engage key players (in multiple directions) for buy-in, and set the pace and direction for executing.

How to accomplish all this? The answer is delegation.

This means that instead of having the comfort and control of being hands on, you empower and trust others to do the work. It can be hard to let go when we think we could do it faster or better — OR, faster and better. But, if you hang on, you can’t be available for the requirements of the new role.

I would recommend that you start small and hand over some tasks that are lower risk. You might also target tasks that take a lot of time and don’t require much skill. Repetitive items are also a good choice.

You’ll need to hand over bigger projects, and soon, to get real impact.

You can make a list of activities and score them on a scale of 1 to 5: noting the time alleviated from your schedule; the time involved in training; and whatever specific competencies are needed such as being good with spreadsheets or strong interpersonal skills.

To delegate effectively, we can’t tell just anyone what to do, walk away and expect it to be accomplished as we wish.

It’s important to know the strengths of individual staff members and assign accordingly; give clear instructions and deadlines; provide the necessary tools and resources. It’s a plus to provide context for how the task fits into the bigger picture; it can make something mundane feel less so.

I’m a big believer in checking in along the way to inquire on progress, answer questions and offer encouragement.

Here’s a tip: delegate the outcome you want but not exactly how they need to get there. This is important because the other person might have a better way to accomplish the task. They will feel better about the task being their project and you can sidestep micromanaging.

It helps to anticipate that someone doing a task for the first time or two will take longer. So, prepare to be patient. When they’re finished, thank them and show appreciation. And, if the work is noticed by others, don’t claim credit for yourself, instead recognize the efforts of the people who actually did it.

So, the bottom line: take action and loosen your grip.

That means delegate and let your staff own the work. You’ll have less control over the details and how exactly things get done, and gain control over the bigger picture and setting the agenda — what your new job is really about.

Success is yours if you delegate.

Manage Your Hidden Fears For Greater Success

 

Dear Springboard:

I was running my staff meeting last Monday and it was going fine until we got to “John.”

We went around the table and everybody was prepared with their updates but when it was John’s turn, he was clearly winging it. I was more than a little angry and I really let him have it.

I told him right then and there that he needs to shape up or else. My boss was sitting in for this meeting (which he almost never does) and I wanted my boss to know that I wouldn’t tolerate that sort of sloppy and disrespectful performance. 

Afterward, my second in command pulled me aside and told me that I overacted and based on that overreaction, I was the one who ended up looking like the problem.

How is that possible? He wasn’t prepared and I’m running the show!

Sign me Perplexed.

 

Dear Perplexed:

Years ago, I was out to dinner with a group of friends and “Sally” was being very difficult with the waiter.

I was embarrassed by her and I overacted and in a such a big way that it was I who became the problem. I’d like to think it was because I was extremely hungry (or “hangray”) but there was really no excuse.

As the attention shifted to me, the group completely forgot about her behavior and focused only on my behavior. It was a tough and valuable lesson.

Here’s what I know: whenever I am upset and I take the time to figure out why, it is always about my fear. It may not look like that on the surface but if I’m honest with myself, a layer or two underneath, it’s rooted in fear.

In broad terms, I am afraid of losing something I already have or, of not getting something I want.

My friend Anne took this idea one step further and said imagine a two-column grid like the one below where:

  • Relationships are personal in nature
  • Status is our public image
  • Security is about our financial wellbeing
6ed61499-0c58-434f-ac8e-cc7b8fa04ab6.png

Now when I get upset about something, I look inside and try to figure out which of these six buttons is being pushed. It’s usually more than one.

Seeing what fears are being stirred up and looking at the dynamic with some distance and objectivity helps defuse the charge of an emotional — and fear-driven– reaction.

To apply this thinking to your situation, what buttons do you think the situation with John pushed? And, how did having your boss there influence it?

I would guess at a minimum that John’s lack of preparedness pushed the Status and Security buttons in the Losing column. You reacted strongly because you thought he was making you look bad (Status).  This reaction was intensified by your boss being there.

Because your boss was there, I think your Security button also got pushed. It would be easy to have a thought pattern that goes something like this: If my boss doesn’t think I can manage my staff, especially when he’s present, he might think I can’t meet our goals. Maybe I’m not the right guy for the job. I could lose: a promotion, a raise, a bonus, or maybe even my job.

As all change starts with self-awareness, noticing our emotional reactions is a good place to begin. Self-management is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence and a valued competency in the executive suite.

One lesson here is to pause and manage the first fear-based emotional response. (To learn more, click here.)

So, take a step back and see what buttons are being pushed.

The challenge is to just notice and let go.

Intentions Into Action

Fred is a VP at a software company.  Fred is 47, out of shape and says he wants to lose 15 pounds.  The same 15 pounds as last year and the year before that . . . and the year before that.  He likes his cookies.  Exercise and vegetables not so much.

With the fresh start of a new year, Fred was feeling optimistic and energized on January 1st. His list of New Year’s resolutions was long, lofty, and included losing weight. He does this every year – often with the same resolutions.

He sets himself up for failure and disappointment.  Every time.

He isn’t unusual.  About 40% of Americans make resolutions (60% plan to) and they tend to be health-oriented like losing weight, exercising more, or both.  Too often, they are overly ambitious, a bit vague and have no structure to support the action to realize them.

My suggestion to people like Fred is to winnow down the list and be specific.

While there might be many things Fred wants to do this year and that’s fine, today I am asking you: what is the one thing that you absolutely want to accomplish by the end of the year.  What is it and why does it matter? It will help to have an underlying reason that is bigger than the visible goal itself.

So, rather than:  I want to lose weight – I guess, because I should. . .

Instead, how about: I want to be healthy so I’m sure to see my sweet 13-year old daughter Barbara graduate/get married/have children and be an active grandparent.

It’s also helpful to mentally phrase the intention as a positive.  Instead of: I don’t want to be fat anymore.  Substitute:  I see myself as 15 pounds lighter and physically fit.

To increase the odds of success, make it a SMART goal, write it down, and then share it with another person.

SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Resonant (or Realistic), and Time-bound.

So, in this case a SMART goal could be: I will exercise for one hour between 6 am and 7 am Tuesday through Friday so I can lose 15 pounds by June 30 and then maintain that lower weight.

It also increases your odds if you: 1) write it down; and 2) share it out loud with someone you trust.  Declare your intention and surrender to accountability.

7b90fc27-0afa-41f0-a9a5-2317ce316d0f.jpgPlus, how you start makes all the difference.  How long do people actually stick with their new plans?

The Statistic Brain Research Institute says:

  • Through the first week, only 73% are still at it
  • Past two weeks – 68%
  • Past one month – 58%
  • Past six months – 45%

Gyms that sell annual memberships are all too aware of these numbers.

Those stats show that the first week is critical.  Only 7 days in, more than a quarter have given up.  After two weeks, about a third have stopped.

But, after that, the falloff levels out. So, after a month, 58% are still at it and after six months, 45% are.

It’s clear that the first steps are critical.  I suggest that people like Fred give themselves relatively easy goals to start and then gradually make it more challenging.  Early wins are crucial to staying motivated. Fred might start by exercising two times a week for 30 minutes and build from there.

Back to you: what’s that one thing you really want accomplish, this year?

3 Steps to Better Relationships

After her meeting with Bob, Barbara felt like she was walking on air.  She couldn’t remember the last time her spirits were so high.
She felt like Bob really heard her and saw her. Cared for her. Like she really mattered and he saw her in a way that even she had forgotten.
There are some people who can make you feel like you’re on the only person in the room. They are enormously effective and have great impact.
What was it that Bob did?  Listen?  Sure, and it was more than that.  Bob had a well-developed outward mindset vs. an inward mindset and so that meant that he was focused on her — her needs, her objectives and her challenges.  He left his needs and his ego out of the conversation.
How does someone do that?
Start with mindset.
The Arbinger Institute‘s latest book The Outward Mindset – Seeing Beyond Ourselves proposes that what makes people like Bob so impactful is a mindset that is focused on others.
Arbinger makes a distinction about mindset:  it’s not so much about our self-beliefs; it is instead how we regard our connections and how we regard our world and the people and circumstances in it. An outward mindset is about being alive and interested in other people, and focused on their objectives and needs and not on our own.
It’s deeper than shifting behavior.  Mindset drives behavior and behavior drives results.
People with an outward mindset are engaging and can tap into other people’s enthusiasm and bring out their best selves.
Basically, it’s about shifting our focus from self to others, and can be immensely practical.
Some possible applications come to mind.
With a direct report:  shift from issuing a directive and how to get things done to helping that person see what is possible and how they can achieve an ideal outcome. Emphasize their professional growth and development.
With a boss:  how can we support them in their role to reach their objectives.  Make their success a priority.
With a significant other: how can we focus on attending to their wants and needs, with no keeping score and with no strings attached? Put their happiness ahead of our own.
Arbinger notes the cost of an inward mindset (when people focus on themselves and not their impact) is wasted effort, less collaboration, curtailed innovation and employee disengagement.  Not to mention less than satisfying relationships.
While it’s certainly easy to lapse into a default of focus on self, it’s about progress.  Efforts to take on an outward mindset will be rewarded.
Those who have an outward mindset take responsibility for their impact and hold themselves accountable.  Arbinger created a simple acronym to help remember that process – SAM.  These people:
  1. See the needs, objectives and challenges of others
  2. Adjust efforts to be more helpful to others
  3. Measure and hold themselves accountable for their impact 
Why doesn’t this happen more? Too often, we’re waiting for another person to make the first move. People are generally concerned about themselves and worry that if aren’t vigilant, they will lose out.
If we believe that what we send out, we get back (albeit not always right away), then initiating with an outward focus can be generative.  One challenge is to take the risk of making the first move and to do so somewhat boldly.  Arbinger warns that a tepid start will result in a tepid response.
So, the invitation is to embrace the challenge and just start.  You may trigger a reciprocal response in the near term and you may not. No matter, you will be sowing seeds for the future. The immediate opportunity is to be a catalyst and be useful in the process.
Think for a moment about some impact you would like to have. What are you willing to risk by shifting to an outward mindset to try to achieve it? A little ego? A little vulnerability?
It’s your move.
Ball’s in your court.
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From the Water Cooler . . .
If it is to be, it is up to me.
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Success now.